here we go with the last quote.
“There is… this rage.” she said “This despair and hatred and rage that lives and breathes inside me. There’s not sanity to it, no gentleness. It is a monster dwelling under my skin. For the past ten years, I have worked every day, every hour, to keep that monster locked up. And the moment I talk about those two days, and what happened before and after, that monster is going to break loose, and there will be no accounting for what I do.”
Heir of Fire, Sarah J. Maas